In my quiet moments alone, it often crosses my mind that had Tin arrived in the later part of my life, I would have handled motherhood differently. However, I do not have the power to change the past. I have no access to the future either to check out how she'd turn out to be. I only have now, the present. And as I have learned within the few years that we've been hanging out together: seize the moment, seize the day. Carpe diem!
Seize the moment because she grows up so fast. She learns and imitates fast. And before you know it, she would object to being cuddled up.
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| Family Affair. Us during her Christening. |
I could still remember the day when I told my mother that I was pregnant. I would cut short through the fury but the most important thing she ever said to me that day was that it doesn't matter that I'm old enough to bear a child, what matters is whether I am ready or not. And I wasn't. It was more like doing things blindly, feeling my way around the new experience as well as the burgeoning responsibility of being the vessel for carrying a new life into the world.
Fast forward to 2013 and she's her own girl now. How fast time went really. So herewith are the wonderful reflections that I've made so far.
The Inspiration
Giving birth is painful. NEWS! As they would all tell us and I could attest to. But if you ask me right now how painful it was, I can't really tell. Because I've forgotten how painful it was. Science has an explanation. As soon as the baby eases out of the birth canal, your body produces hormones that make you happy and forget about the pain. When I heard her cry and saw her slimy head, I knew it was the start of many wonderful things. Cheesy as it may seem but you will aspire to become a better person when someone that special arrives.
The (Welcome) Change
I could only mean my weight and daddy's lost six packs, ayt?! But no, there's more to that. Of course as individual persons, her daddy and I could count a lot of things that we had to give up to prioritize her. But really it's not just us. As soon as she settled in at home, routines have changed and now, her favies paksiw and fish tinola has obliged us to make the healthier choice of meals too because she prefers it.And the list goes on.
The Endless Laughs
This has got to be my favorite. I mean, the mere sight of her in her cute panties makes me laugh. More so when she starts to open her mouth and a tirade of her own vocabulary just flows that you could get lost in it. And if you find yourself speaking like her then you'll know that she's contagious. It's a simple choice between laughing or correcting her. But still :) It doesn't take much to make me laugh now. Her mere reaction to any TV commercial is priceless. We are forever messy during mealtime but that's how you learn to eat properly, right?
The Lessons
So, I said I wasn't ready. And I'm not even perfect as a mom. But this ride has been a wonderful learning experience. Even if she's partly me and an extension of me, she is also her own person and as early as now she's showing her personality. And it's not always pleasant. There is always that nagging fear that she'll end up being a spoiled brat and thus labeling me as a failure in mommyhood. But, she has also taught me to take things one step at a time. And as for fear, she has already taught me to conquer it once upon a time when I went to the delivery room all by myself to give birth to her.
Before she came, I thought motherhood would be a nightmare but she has proven me wrong. It's great. Albeit the sleepless night and the early morning call time. At least we have the sunrise to share. Even as I turn into a worried freak when she gets sick, nothing feels better that when her health is restored. So, ready or not, this girl has turned me into the most unexpected person I can be.
So I'll seize the moment, before she gets too smart and there would be no more early morning bondings and calling me mommmmy mommmmy mommmy as if her life depends on it.
And just right now she climbs into my lap and scrambles to get hold of the keyboard. I'd like to seize this power-grabbing moment and beat her with endless tickles. I guess I'd end it here.
Carpe diem I say.
And oh, here's a link to my other blog post where I recollect about the day that I give birth. Best birthday ever!!! The Labor Day Experience aka Giving Birth
XO,
Mommy Cassie :)
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